4 Signs Your Teen May Be Struggling Online (and How You Can Gently Step In)

4 Signs Your Teen May Be Struggling Online(and How You Can Gently Step In)

Are you a parent of a teen who seems permanently attached to a device? If so, you’re not alone and you’re certainly not overreacting if you occasionally wonder, “Are they safe with all of this?”

Like us the internet is part of everyday life for teenagers; with schoolwork, games, chatting with friends, and exploring their interests providing a blend of acceptable ‘must use’ and questionable ‘is it too much’. The concern for many is, it’s real a space where things can go wrong: from unkind comments to online harassment, to strangers who aren’t who they say they are.

You can’t (and don’t need to) monitor every click. But you can notice changes in your teen’s behaviour that might suggest they’re not okay online, and step in early.

Here are four signs to watch for, and some ideas for what you can do.

1. They Jump Online at the Same Time Every Day

If your teen is suddenly desperate to be online at a very specific time each day – racing to the computer or their phone at 4:30pm on the dot, for example – it can be a clue that they’re waiting for someone.

Sometimes this is harmless: a favourite game that runs at a set time, or a friend they like to chat with after school. Other times, it can indicate that a person online has become very important to them; including someone they don’t actually know in real life.

People who want to take advantage of young people often start by building trust slowly, talking at predictable times, and encouraging secrecy.

What you can do:

• Stay curious, not accusatory: “I’ve noticed you always jump online at the same time, what’s happening then?”

• Keep devices in shared spaces where possible, especially for younger teens.

• Talk openly about how anyone can pretend to be someone else online, and that you’re always available to help if something feels off or uncomfortable.

2. They’re Suddenly Very Secretive About Their Screen

Does your teen slam the laptop shut when you walk past? Switch screens quickly. Or perhaps they tilt their phone away the minute you enter the room.

Some privacy is normal and healthy, especially in adolescence. But sudden, intense secrecy around their online life can be a sign that they’re doing or seeing something they feel uneasy about, or that someone has asked them to keep things “just between us.”

What you can do:

• Avoid jumping straight to “What are you hiding?” Instead, try: “I’ve noticed you seem a bit on edge when I walk past while you’re online. Is everything okay?”

• Create family agreements about devices for example, no deleting messages or using secret accounts, and you having the right to check things together if you’re worried about safety.

• Reassure them that they won’t be in trouble for telling you if someone has made them feel uncomfortable or scared online.

3. Their Mood Spikes After They Log Off

If your teen comes off the computer or phone buzzing, maybe unusually excited, giggly, or intensely focused on getting back online, it might simply be a fun chat or good news.  But it can also be a sign that an online relationship is becoming emotionally intense, especially if they’re secretive about who they’re talking to. Many teens don’t yet fully understand that the person on the other side of the screen may not be who they claim to be.

What you can do:

• Start with interest, not interrogation: “You seem really happy after being online, sounds like something good happened. Want to tell me about it?”

• Talk about online crushes and friendships in the same way you’d talk about offline ones: what feels safe, what feels respectful, and what red flags to watch for.

• Gently reinforce they should never share personal details, photos, or agree to meet someone in person without you knowing and being involved in the safety plan.

4. They’re Down, Withdrawn, or Upset After Being Online

On the other side of the coin, if your teen comes offline looking deflated, teary, angry, or unusually quiet, it can be a sign that something or someone online is hurting them.

Cyberbullying, friendship fallouts, exclusion from group chats, or cruel comments can have a big impact especially when they feel like there’s no escape from it.

What you can do:

• Notice the pattern: “I’ve seen you seem really flat after being on your phone lately. Is something happening online that’s upsetting you?”

• Let them know that it’s okay to block, mute, or leave groups where they’re being treated badly, and that you’ll back them in doing so.

• If there is bullying or harassment, take screenshots, report it to the platform, and, if necessary, talk with the school or relevant services for support.

Bringing It All Together

These four signs – fixed online times, sudden secrecy, big mood spikes, and deep dips after going offline – are not proof that something terrible is happening. They are gentle warning flags that your teen might need extra support.

The biggest sign to trust is a change in behaviour: if your teen seems different in their mood, routine, friendships, or sleep, and it lines up with increased online time, it’s worth leaning in.

Most importantly:

• Keep the lines of communication open.

• Stay calm and curious rather than jumping to blame.

• Let your teen know that your number one job is to keep them safe, not to catch them out.

You don’t need to have all the answers, you just need to be willing to notice, ask, and walk alongside them as they learn to navigate their online world.